Fantasy, reality, or some of both?

As a romance writer who's been around the block, I've ended up writing a wide range of books and novellas, from the super-sweet traditional Silhouette Romance to the sexy Silhouette Desires and even one erotic short story (obscurely published under a pseudo-pseudonym--I'll never tell).

Harlequin Americans fall somewhere in the middle. The line calls for whatever level of sensuality is appropriate to the story, so a few of them are more "sweet" and some (like mine) are sexier. But every time I set out to write a love scene, I struggle with exactly how graphic I should be. As a reader I like a little more realism in a love scene. Let's face it, sex is funny sometimes, and sometimes it's disastrous. It's not always the perfect, fly-to-another-plane, mind-blowing, best-thing-that-ever-happened-to-a-person experience we romance writers tend to make it. Of course for Harlequin American I don't want too much realism, but is there such a thing as too much fantasy?

Take euphemisms. I know certain graphic words for body parts are taboo in this "Home & Hearth" line. But how many different ways can I come up with to describe an orgasm? I estimate that I have written somewhere close to 150 love scenes. In an effort to be fresh, to use something besides "her peak of desire" (whatever!) do I become laughable? I'm always trying to think of fresh but tasteful ways of describing the act of lovemaking, without getting too flowery or too obscure. The main thing is to get the emotions across, of course, because that's why women read romance. But for a woman, the physical sensations and emotions are usually wrapped up together, so I don't want to give those physical aspects short shrift.

Ah, what to do, what to do.

I was critiquing a chapter for my husband the other day. He is writing a thriller, so he doesn't have to conform to the stricter guidelines we Harlequin authors are used to. But when he came out and called the, er, male member exactly what it was, I nearly came unglued. "Ewwww! I don't want to read that!" I told him, and he just shook his head.

So what do you think, readers and writers? Do you want to close the bedroom door, or vicariously experience a love scene as pure fantasy, or see some semblance of realism? Or does it depend on your mood? Do you eagerly read love scenes, or just skim them?